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Letter from Montreal : To whom it may concern.

I realize that the editorial staff at the Guardian Weekly must be terribly busy and have not the time to mind over their many overseas correspondents. But, perhaps you should send someone to check up on a Mr. Clayton Bailey who, I fear, may be living in an alternate and potentially dangerous Universe from the one you and I inhabit. In his essay, published three days ago, entitled Snow Job, Mr. Bailey describes -- no, waxes poetic about Montreal's "enthuastic denial" of winter and the torrent of snow that follows in its path every year. To be sure, Mr. Bailey's tale is a not altogether inaccurate account of a typical winter in Montreal. However, it simply does not map to anything that has actually happened, so far, this winter. I was concerned that perhaps it was I who was living the fantasy, but after consulting with friends and colleagues we have all reached the same conclusions : 1) Though it is not uncommon, no one of can remember a time in recent months when the temperature has dropped below -10, let alone the truly soul-crushing -20 cited by Mr. Bailey. 2) We have not had the first, never mind the second, of the two "blizzards" that the author describes. Maybe they were blizzards compared to the weather which he apparently grew accustomed to in other cities, but nothing that anyone I know would recognize as such. 3) As I write this, there is indeed a light dusting of snow on the ground. It does little, though, to hide the fact that almost all the snow that has fallen this year has also melted in the last two days. Without meaning to seem indelicate, is it possible that Mr. Bailey has fallen victim to a "charging sidewalk snowplough" ? After "caroming off fences and trees", did it strike him "like a billiard ball" leaving him dazed and confused? Traumatized and delirious, is he walking the streets of downtown Montreal shaking little Christmas paperweights and listening furtively as the sirens of emergency services vehicles race past him? I am concerned that Mr. Bailey's "war on winter" may really be a call for help.

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Perlmonks : SOAP::Lite and Security ←  → The dictified word of the day is : pusillanimous